Monday, February 28, 2011

The Ladies Love Me...

I've been meaning to do this post for quite some time now; ever since an incident at the post office earlier this year. I asked my friends if it was blog worthy and the reply was a resounding "YES!!!!"
So here it goes:

The ladies love me. I'm not saying that to be cocky or because I'm severely deluded (I am but not about this); I'm simply stating this because it's a fact; kinda like "I will eat the entire pint of Ben&Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream if I buy it" or "I have a bunch of minions aka the neighborhood cats that insist on walking me home." Case in point, the post office incident:
I had just entered the packed post office that was conveniently located just blocks from my condo. I was using priority mail so I grabbed a small box and proceeded to assemble it then lovingly place my t-shirts that I had sold on eBay into it. Then came the tricky part: taping the box shut. I was not having much luck despite my best attempts; I tried pinning the box against my side with "chest" holding it in place whilst I wrestled with the dreaded tape dispenser with teeth worthy of a piranha's mouth. While I continued the battle royale a gal about my age walked up to meand offered to help me. She held the box shut and started chatting me up as I placed the end of the tape on the box. Everyone was watching us and listening to the increasingly friendly exchange. I mentioned how much I hated taping the box shut because it never lined up right and it drove me insane thanks to my OCD. She said, and I quote "I'm really good with my hands; you have to know when to be firm and when to be gentle." As I finished applying the tape she ran her fingers over the tape sealing the box tight..and then she ran her fingers along my fingers and looked into my eyes. Cue deer in the headlights. I had no clue what to do! I mumbled a thank you, snatched up the package and held it tightly to my chest as though it were a life preserver and I was Jack from Titanic. She got the message. To this day I have never seen someone make putting tape on a package so suggestive!
This type of thing keeps happening to me: girl sees girl, girl meets girl, girl flirts with girl, girl turns into a deer in the headlights crossed with a fish out of water and stands glued to the spot. If there is a bi girl on MSN or a lesbian friend of one of my friends, they inevitably find me.

If you've read my previous post on my non-verbal illiteracy than you know that I don't do well with flirting with guys, but with girls it's ten times worse! I have no clue what to say or do and I certainly don't want to hurt the girl's feelings just because I happen to be straight. I mean, I don't want them to think there's something wrong with being attracted to who they're attracted to, be they a guy or a girl, but, I'm not into girls and on top of I'm just awkward in general.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's flattering that a girl thinks I'm attractive and all but COME ON! Why can't guys take a hint? I mean, why is it that the ladies love me, even though I don't love them, but the men don't love me, even though I loooove them? O cruel irony, o wicked fate...WHY?!?!


Keep Reading!
-RRR

Note: Please don't think I'm a homophobe or anything of the sort. I'm a huge supporter of gay rights and I firmly believe that people should be able to be love who they love and be themselves and not have to hide who they are because some idiots think that it isn't "right".



*EDIT*: I lied when I said only women hit on me; little kids do too! I was once an adorable 2-year-old boy's nanny and he took me on a date to a bridge (aka a sidewalk over a wash) and used to gussy up before I came over...he also slept with a Matchbox replica of my car hah

20 comments:

  1. Haha! I love this. Don't worry; nobody thinks you're a homophobe, and you don't have to be gay to support GBLT rights. I have a friend who's a lesbian, and she has the OPPOSITE problem. Guys are always hitting on her, but other girls don't approach her. So funny how things work out. Hang in there. =]

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  2. Now...if only I could EVER get hit on. Yeah...

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  3. @Stephanie: they better not think I am because I'm sooo not. In fact I'm kinda a f** hag (Will and Grace reference).

    @Shanimal: I bet you do!

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  4. if it makes you feel better, i check out little kids more than guys (not in a creepy way, just like 'aww look at the wittle baaaaby!').
    sometimes i wish i was a lesbian though because boys are so dumb ugh.

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  5. Haha don't lie Rachel...we both know what you mean when you say you check kids out! Lol

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  6. ok fine, i'll admit it. justin beiber is effing sexy!!! lol.

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  7. You know the over all point of this post aside, I'm jealous of your post office experience. I only ever get sleeze-ball guys.

    Now, I'm bi...so I'm open to male or female flirtations, but no, no girls... just greasy haired guys who try to cut in front of me and when called on it try to hit on me. EWWWW.

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  8. Hahahaha!
    Well I also get hit on by short unattractive guys lol

    Did you find my post offensive at all?

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  9. I thought about this post while I was at the post office today. Nothing interesting happened to me, though. Except, I just signed up for postcrossing! So, I bought 98 cent stamps.

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  10. Hey there! Found you from 20sb.

    Great post! I wish chicks flirted with me like they flirt with you, so quit yer whining. Most guys that are super flirty are dewshweasels anyway, so them leaving you alone is no great loss.

    PS I love people that can write with big words and spell stuff

    Okay, I guess my 'PS' was premature. My bad.

    I like the layout, but the font made me want to go home and punch my cat in the tail.

    Caleb

    PS (for realz this time) TURN OFF WORD VERIFICATION!

    Sorry I yelled.

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  11. Your comment made me literally laugh out loud. If your blog is as funny as your comment, you have a new follower!!

    Sorry about the font but I love it!!! Would making it bigger help? I like neat lettering call me crazy

    It's alright about the premature PS...it happens to a lot of guys heh! But thanks for commenting and reading!!

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  12. Okay, just took me 20 minutes to read your comment. But no- you just go ahead and keep that font.

    Doesn't making it bigger always help?

    Er...

    I see my cat drawings failed to win you over. Sigh.

    Caleb

    PS psych! No PS!

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  13. Hahahah! This is too funny. I would have run away too. . . I definitely fall into the 'awkward' category.

    Thanks for your kind comment on my blog! As for your question I don't really wait long at all after applying CND Stickey. I find that by the time I've painted all 10 fingers and then decided on a colour it's good to go. If you touch it you'll notice it dries quickly. I hope you love it as much as I do!

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  14. "If you touch it you'll notice it dries quickly. I hope you love it as much as I do!"

    Awesome.

    Sorry, had to comment.

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  15. what's cnd stickey??? is it something about nails?? tell me! lol.

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  16. @Caleb: I shall change my font just for you *sigh*. What are these cat drawings you speak of? I've been in class all day so I haven't had a chance to actually go online until just now!

    @Emily: Thanks for the tip and taking the time to reply! I'm having major issues with my nails right now...just painted them last night and the polish is already peeling completely off! :(

    @Caleb: *Sigh*

    @Rachel: it's a really good nail base coat that's actually sticky. It's *supposed* to keep your polish on your nails longer!

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  17. Hi!
    You've been nominated for the 7 Facts Blogging Award. You can claim your award here: http://unmotivatedme.blogspot.com/

    Yay!

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  18. Yay! Thanks Whitney! I really appreciate it! I'll work on the post tomorrow when I'm not on the verge of falling asleep. Thanks!!!

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  19. Ha - I like this post. I have the same effect on little boys. They LOVE me - I get stares, waves, talking, holding my hand, hugging ... and they don't even know me.

    You have a great blog!

    P.S. I found you off of 20sb.com

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  20. Yeah it's kinda fun huh? but doesn't do much for my (so-far-imaginary)[ <-- that's a lie]love life

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