So here it goes:
The ladies love me. I'm not saying that to be cocky or because I'm severely deluded (I am but not about this); I'm simply stating this because it's a fact; kinda like "I will eat the entire pint of Ben&Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream if I buy it" or "I have a bunch of minions aka the neighborhood cats that insist on walking me home." Case in point, the post office incident:
This type of thing keeps happening to me: girl sees girl, girl meets girl, girl flirts with girl, girl turns into a deer in the headlights crossed with a fish out of water and stands glued to the spot. If there is a bi girl on MSN or a lesbian friend of one of my friends, they inevitably find me.I had just entered the packed post office that was conveniently located just blocks from my condo. I was using priority mail so I grabbed a small box and proceeded to assemble it then lovingly place my t-shirts that I had sold on eBay into it. Then came the tricky part: taping the box shut. I was not having much luck despite my best attempts; I tried pinning the box against my side with "chest" holding it in place whilst I wrestled with the dreaded tape dispenser with teeth worthy of a piranha's mouth. While I continued the battle royale a gal about my age walked up to meand offered to help me. She held the box shut and started chatting me up as I placed the end of the tape on the box. Everyone was watching us and listening to the increasingly friendly exchange. I mentioned how much I hated taping the box shut because it never lined up right and it drove me insane thanks to my OCD. She said, and I quote "I'm really good with my hands; you have to know when to be firm and when to be gentle." As I finished applying the tape she ran her fingers over the tape sealing the box tight..and then she ran her fingers along my fingers and looked into my eyes. Cue deer in the headlights. I had no clue what to do! I mumbled a thank you, snatched up the package and held it tightly to my chest as though it were a life preserver and I was Jack from Titanic. She got the message. To this day I have never seen someone make putting tape on a package so suggestive!
If you've read my previous post on my non-verbal illiteracy than you know that I don't do well with flirting with guys, but with girls it's ten times worse! I have no clue what to say or do and I certainly don't want to hurt the girl's feelings just because I happen to be straight. I mean, I don't want them to think there's something wrong with being attracted to who they're attracted to, be they a guy or a girl, but, I'm not into girls and on top of I'm just awkward in general.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's flattering that a girl thinks I'm attractive and all but COME ON! Why can't guys take a hint? I mean, why is it that the ladies love me, even though I don't love them, but the men don't love me, even though I loooove them? O cruel irony, o wicked fate...WHY?!?!
Note: Please don't think I'm a homophobe or anything of the sort. I'm a huge supporter of gay rights and I firmly believe that people should be able to be love who they love and be themselves and not have to hide who they are because some idiots think that it isn't "right".
*EDIT*: I lied when I said only women hit on me; little kids do too! I was once an adorable 2-year-old boy's nanny and he took me on a date to a bridge (aka a sidewalk over a wash) and used to gussy up before I came over...he also slept with a Matchbox replica of my car hah