Help I've Fallen & I Can't Get Up

Dear RRReaders,

    Ouch so the title of my blog post made me chortle (you know those horribly acted Life Alert commercials?Heeeelllpp I've fallen and I can't get up...*extend arm weakly*) and laughing hurt like a bi-atch. (And when I yelled “ow” from the pain of laughing I guess I sounded like a cat because my cat started meowing at me (although that could be because he was concerned because he can always sense when I'm in pain)). 

                             

      Anywho... back to the point...I feel like I should win an award because Tuesday (I think...) I fell and couldn't get up when I attempted to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I had just woken up after a long Sleeping Beauty-esque sleep.  Picture it: Tempe, Arizona; the day: August 2nd, 2011

          I woke up as I heard “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing ‘cuz every little thing’s gonna be alright” for the umpteenth time. Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds is my mom’s ringtone (every Saturday she’d crank up the Bob and all of us (all 4 kids and my mom and dad) would clean the house top to bottom). I immediately texted her back because I hate phone calls, and I assured her, yes I was alive despite the fact I’d been asleep for 24+ hours. She relayed the message to my dad.

          I spent a little more time waking up until the “urgent pressure on my bladder” assured me I could wait no longer to make a much needed bathroom run…exactly 3 feet away from my bed.

So I crawl out from under my little burrow and as I approach the porcelain pedestal, I start feeling funky (ahem, funkier) and my vision starts dancing, going spotty and fading,  and my body starts shaking and twitching and then my body goes numb and I lose all the strength in my body…Crap...I can't lean on my towel bar or I'll rip it out of the wall. I can just picture that happening so vividly. I should try to make it back to bed before I collapse.

 Next thing I know, I’m waking up and, praise the Lord Hallelujah, I didn’t wet myself haha, but no seriously, I wake up sobbing hysterically and my back and ribs and my HEAD are throbbing and I’m covered in makeup (no, not my face, my body….I guess I pulled all my makeup off the counter (when I fell down and I had  just washed my white rug). And the first thing I think is FUCK (pardon my French) my mom is going to kill me…there’s no way I didn’t get another concussion** (see note).

          As I attempt to haul myself up, my back is screaming, so I pull my shirt up and I see big cuts up and down my back. My head starts throbbing…the throbbing morphs into a massive migraine: grab some Zomig, pull cap, insert into nose, pull trigger, toss away, pinch nose, tilt head forward, wait for relief. My ribs are so tender and sore it hurts to breath. As the day wears on it just gets worse.

_____________________________

          Today aka Wednesday (since I haven't been to bed...can't sleep), I can’t touch (or even think about touching) my ribs and there are 2 big lumps on my head. I’m thinking I hit my head on the wall when I went down and then again on the floor.

          I guess I can kiss my dreams of winning Miss America good-bye since I’m pretty sure you need poise for that haha! But no, seriously, I’ve been having this weird shaking dizziness for years and my mom says it’s because I stand up too fast…but nowadays, I can’t stand up fast lol so hmm (*strokes imaginary beard*)!

Who wants to see a picture of my back?

not my most flattering pic
& I didn't feel like taking a pic today of the bruising and bumps

That's All For Now Folks! Keep Reading and Commenting! Muwah!

-<3 RRR

**I had my first head injury (traumatic brain injury)@ age 8 months…then age 8…with multiple concussions in between (age 6, 9 &12, etc)  and a major concussion @ age 17 and then after that @ ages 18, 19, & 20, &22. & Even a slight head bump now has a profound impact.

Health Update

Dear Readers,

If you know me and are close to me in real life, then you probably know I haven't been doing super fabulously health-wise. If you don't know me in real life, well, you're just going to get to know me a whole lot better haha! 

      Have you been waiting with bated breath to find out the results of my fun tests from Wednesday?  I'm guessing you probably weren't lol but I'll pretend, just for a moment, that you were all on the edges of your seats! The whole testing process was as pleasant as can be expected and the staff at the hospital was top-notch!

It was so funny--as I was wheeled into the procedure room and they hooked me  up to "my own private oxygen bar" (as the nurse called it--shower curtain flavor she said) the doctor asked me: "What's been going on?" I, rather stupidly I might add, replied,"Do you mean in general?" The doctor laughed,"Oh yeah, what'd you do last night, what's your favorite TV show, what are your hopes and dreams! Silly, I meant what brought you to my procedure room?"

That definitely lightened the mood and after describing my inability to eat or drink and the constant acid reflux and heartburn I was experiencing despite taking Prilosec twice a day and chugging Maalox like a frat guy chugs cheap beer, they paused to make sure I was aware of the procedure they were doing, etc and then they administered some sedating medication and put a camera down my throat...and up elsewhere! Touchdown for the doctor!!!
_________________________________________________________________

When I woke up in the recovery room the first thing I asked the nice nurse as I opened my eyes was: "am I a hypochondriac?"
She looked at me quizzically and responded: "No (dramatic pause) there were some findings. Your father is on his way. You should rest."

Later, when my dad strode into the room, seeming to fill up the whole space with his tall frame and air of authority, my doctor came in with my test results and nifty pictures of my stomach and intestines. She spoke to my dad and my father complimented her on the recovery facilities: “These are way nicer than the ones we have at the hospital.”

 She told my dad how much sedation medication she had given me and my dad gave a low whistle and said to me; "You won't remember any of this or anything you studied before the procedure when you wake up tomorrow, the medicine causes antegrade amnesia." Fabulous, I thought to myself, I could have been relaxing when they ran that IV and gave me those enemas instead of studying. 

Then the doctor and my dad got down to business and my dad reviewed the results. I heard bits and pieces: "scalloping" "intestines""hernia" "motility""more testing"....and then I just slept. When the doctor left the nurse asked if I wanted juice. My dad told me to say yes so I said yes.

As the nurse went to get juice my dad told me: "They won't let you leave until you drink 2 glasses of juice." So even though I was scared to drink the juice (yep...scared. to. drink. juice (hey man acid reflux hurts)) I sucked it up and chugged that juice faster than you can say...chug. Then the nurse told me I could get dressed and my dad took me home and I slept all that day and the next day (after briefly waking up at 3 am and thinking it was 3 pm and getting really scared).

When I was more with it, i looked at the nifty pictures they took and read the results: Hiatal hernia (stomach in my esophogas) and scalloping of my intestines (which could possibly indicate Celiac disease).

                                        Here's a nifty pic of my stomach:

                               
___________________________________________________________________

On Friday I met with my GI guy, Dr. Patel, and he said I don't have Celiac Disease (yay!!!!) but during the tests, my stomach didn't move at all and there was still food matter in it (remember I haven't eaten in forever) so he's pretty worried about that. See...your stomach breaks down food by churning (contracting and relaxing) as well as by chemical (acid) means. But they're worried my stomach isn't contracting which means my food is just sitting in my stomach for days on end...but they won't know for sure until they do  more tests (a 7 hour one) and I have to wait until AFTER my class finishes on August 5th because my teacher hates me and won't let me miss any more class!!

But yep, that's what's going on in my tummy tum!!!

Are you asleep and drooling on your computer yet?? ;-)

Well, stay tuned for more fun stuff haha! Tomorrow my dad and I are meeting with my professor (she wants all sorts of medical documentation that she by law can't have so that should be really interesting!!)

But that's all for now folks! Keep reading!!

-RRR

Poetry Post

So I finally tackled some of the squalor that has become my condo and as I was cleaning my office I unearthed copies of the poetry magazine from my high school. As I thumbed through issue after issue and read over some of my old work, I realized I haven't written any poetry in eons! Which is downright bizarre considering I have stacks of notebooks filled with my poetry. It used to be my refuge; my solace. So I sat down the other night, slightly sleep-deprived and I wrote some poems. I hope you like them. 
______________________________________________________________________________________________


We are Numbers 


We are a series of numbers
40960585
85327403120
Social Security number
Drivers license number
Student ID number
Patient number

You take an exam,
You fill in your number
Your name, irrelevant

You call your doctor
You tell her your patient number
Your name, an afterthought

We are just another number in an endless sea of numbers
Undulating wildly
Ebbing and flowing
But always a number
Just 1 of many

__________________________________________________________________________________

Dreams


Dreams stay with me like a heavy fog that won't lift
Won't let go
Entangling in my reality
Blurring the lines
Which is which
Each leaking into the next
Until
Reality, Dream, Indiscernible
Until
They become totally, utterly enmeshed
Become one singular entity

What happened
What didn't
What was dreamt
What was done

That once faint  blurred line
Obliterated
__________________________________________________________________________________

So what did you think??


That's all for now folks!
Keep reading!
-RRR

We Want What We Can't Have

We want what we can't have; it's a fact! If you ever want a 3-year-old boy to eat his food, just use reverse psychology and tell him he can't eat it and watch how fast he eats his dinner.  When we're kids we want each other's toy cars and Barbie dolls, when we're adults, it's each other's boyfriends and spouses. The whole world is filled with toddlers who want what isn't theirs to have.

I am no exception. A lot of times, people will ask me how I have time for a boyfriend. I usually laugh and say I don't. The dad of the little boy and girl I now nanny for asked me the other day, "You're so busy between working and then school in the fall and Quiz Bowl...how do you have time for a love life?" I answered him honestly: "What love life?" This made him laugh but it's true.

I don't date, not that many people try to sway me lol. But every once in a while, I want what I can't have, what I don't really have time for; sometimes I think it would be so fun just to date some guy (and by "some guy" I mean some guy that's "just right"). I mean, I'm in college right? But I have rules for these kinds of things (and no it's not nearly as boring as it sounds); I don't date. I can hang out with a guy. I can have a great time with a guy, but I don't date. Aren't I just the little masochist? Constantly tempting myself but never letting myself get what I want.

As I write this, there's a certain song that's running through my head. You know the one. By the Rolling Stones? You can't always get what you waaant. You can't always get what you wa-ant. You can't always get what you wa-ant, but if you try sometimes well you might find... you get what you neeed oh yeah!  Except, am I getting what I need?


That's all for now folks
Stay tuned for more Randomocity and keep reading!
-RRR

Oh So Sorry

How long has it been since I've written?
I'm not even sure.
I see I've lost a reader, and I can't blame them! What's the  point in subscribing to a blog that never has new posts!!
I wish I had some super cool excuse like-- "Hey guys sorry I was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and I didn't have internet soooooo yeah....my bad!"
Unfortunately, I don't have some awesome excuse like that. I'm sorry. Forgive me?

Stay tuned for frequent blog posts though!!! I'm going to be stuck in bed for 5 weeks soo expect lots of fun posts!

That's all for now folks! Keep reading!

-RRR

A Letter to My High School English Teacher

(Note: I apologize for any *bad* words or any other grievous errors in this post)

I found out today that my beloved English teacher, we shall call her Ms. S, was "let go" by one of my high schools (I went to 3). To say that I am upset about this turn of events is like saying BP spilled a "little" oil in the Gulf.
My two years (more like a year and a half) spent with Ms. S was one of the high points of my junior and senior year of high school; maybe that makes me a nerd, but it's the truth.

The first year (my junior year) at my new school, I was so nervous about failing and my performance anxiety was so bad, especially when it came to my academic performance, that I literally vomited . To this day I still can't eat bananas (Sorry TMI). Fun fact! Any who, I remember I always used to go after class and after school and constantly bombard Ms. S with the same questions over and over about the assignment she had given us; amazingly, she was patient with me and she took the time to make sure I understood everything and tried to reassure me.
You might think this is no big deal, but many a teacher before her had tried and failed to teach me while also actually being nice. Also take into consideration that my own mother once said that I could "drive Mother Teresa to drink." (She does have a point.)

The time she took to help me was worth it, at least to me. I never got anything less than an A on any of her writing assignments (or tests for that matter) and I did some of my best writing in her classes. I also read some of my new favorite books: Tess of the D'Ubervilles <3, Lord of the Flies (minus the whole Piggy dying thing) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, MacBeth, The Good Earth, etc.


(Oh and who could forget that *fabulous* movie adaptation of Beowulf we got to travel to KC to see in the theaters?)

I honestly think that one of the reasons she may have been let go is because, well, you know that teacher who is really good and ethical, the type of person whose moral compass always points true north and who believes that you "get" the grade you earn? The kind of teacher we need more (not less) of? Well, I think the reason Ms. S was fired was because sometimes the people in power at a school aren't always the people whose moral compasses point true north. (I should know...I graduated a semester early and I actually spent a year in therapy thanks to some rather unethical treatment by the school. Hopefully I'm not scarred for life...but that's a story for another day.) Or maybe they're just idiots. Sorry I know that's not very flowery or even very nice but let's be honest, sometimes, its the gosh darn truth! (Not that I'm bitter or anything!) 


But here's to you Ms. S! The best English teacher I've ever had! Maybe one day Hollywood will make an awesome movie about you featuring a young Katherine Hepburn (because she's classy and well-spoken)!

-RRR

Sunday Confessional Pt ?

G'day mates!
Another Sunday, another wasted weekend! And lucky for y'all, another confessional! And away we go!

#1: This is hard to admit but *gulp* but my cat Shnookums aka Choop has a drinking problem.
Unfortunately A.A. is not nearly as welcoming as they claim because when I brought him in they were less than friendly. Jerks.
But no seriously. Choop has kidney failure so he is constantly drinking water. He even has a drinking fountain that purifies the water!

#2: I'm struggling with Arabic this semester. I got an A+ last semester but I honestly think it was just because the teacher loved me. We didn't learn nearly enough and now I'm behind in this semester's class since they all had a different teacher. Ugh

#3: I most likely have Aspergers. I was diagnosed with a NVLD when I was a kid but now my doctor is thinking it's more likely that it's Aspergers which is weird because I totally understand figurative language..you should see me in my Hispanic Literature class!

#4: My dearly departed AWESOME dog KJ was a swimsuit model. Not really, but my sister took a photo of him on the beach near our house in Florida and his hair was all a-flowin' and I thought to myself "if dogs had a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, my dog would totally be on the cover" lol.

#5: I clearly have an unhealthy attachment to my pets lol.

But yep, that's all for now folks!

Keep Reading!
-RRR